Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
