He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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