my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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