We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
