I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
