I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
