fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
