Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
