I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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