I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
