I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
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