Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
