the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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