so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
