Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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