I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize