i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
