Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
