The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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