Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
