ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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