woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
