Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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