She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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