i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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