Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
