What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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