when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
