Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize