so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
