You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
