Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
