Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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