I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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