hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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