my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
