please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
