how can u be prego again
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
it was like having sex with a tree stump
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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