I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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