My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
worst night to have a conscience
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
