The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sext me about skeletons
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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