somebody snuck up and got me drunk
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This is classic penis vs brain.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
