4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
