hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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