Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
