Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
no you cant smoke seaweed
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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