all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
