I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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