Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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