We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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