if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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