from now on my penis is your penis
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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