porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
