So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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