so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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