I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have post one night stand depression
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
