so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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