Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
