apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
