if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
