Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
