i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
