he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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