three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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