awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
