Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
